A couple of weeks ago one of my buddies asked a question which i thought was worth talking about. He asked about how to overcome fears which pop up sometimes - even if things are going great.
To be honest it's not at all a simple question to reply to because it differs from person to person. There are actually entire books which have been written on that matter only. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What exactly are gradients? Gradients are just like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it again and again you might begin to build up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps on your first attempt, it will also be scary - not really impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you may fail too.
The proper approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most secure way to climb a ladder.
Here are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is particularly frightening. So I am approaching a beautiful woman in a party, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am fascinated by her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of lots of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a way to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of many people.
If I am starting to date a woman and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to relax, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her light touches every now and then to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. If you feel uneasy and fearful simply try to think of a lower gradient which isn't as scary and lets you make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and the way to connect with them quickly.
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